Do you need an attorney?

BY SAM FIELDS
Guest Columnist

LOHAN AND GIBSON–BIMBO AND BIGOT

At first thought you might not lump Imperial Wizard Mel Colm-Cille Gerard Gibson with that Lovely Lush Lindsey Lohan.

But what they have in common is that fame and fortune have lead both to believe they are not bound by the standards of normal society.

That’s not surprising when you live in a world surrounded by sycophants who will assure you that your farts smell like Chanel  No. 5.

Lohan, on probation for DUI, repeatedly missed court ordered alcohol education classes and continued to drive and do drugs.  In her defense she cried to the judge that she has had a difficult time balancing her career with probation.  She was forced to miss her last class so she could attend The MTV Music Awards. 

I suspect she figures her agent should do the 90-day jail sentence for her.

Gibson is another version of the same story.  Like too many religious fanatics he figures that the rules don’t apply to him.  If monarchs have the Divine Right Kings, he has “The Divine Right of Mel.

Proclaiming himself an “Old Time Catholic, he single-handedly funded a Tridentine Catholic Church in Malibu.  Those are the Catholics who rejected Vatican II as commie plot and continue to use the Latin Mass.  

If you did not know before hearing Gibson’s latest outburst –telling his girlfriend that it’s her fault if she gets “gang raped by a pack of n*****–you must surely now know that Old Time Relgion is another way of saying misogynistic bigot. 

His real Lethal Weapon are his evil heart and big mouth.

Just another asshole who, like Lohan, does not think the rules of society apply to him.

REPUBLICANS CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO UNSTEELE THEMSELVES

Early on I warned that by making Michael Steele the head of the Republican National Committee the GOP was grabbing a tiger by the tail.

This was a transparent, if not funny attempt to “get down wit da hood.

A year and a half later, his gaffs and financial mismanagement have been repeatedly overlooked because he is the one and only official “token member of the GOP hierarchy.

His latest foot-in-mouth was telling GOP candidates that they need to campaign on the notion the Afghanistan War is bad.  Tell voters it is “a war of Obama’s choosing” and not America’s war. 

Steele seems to forget that the increasingly unpopular war was started by George W. Bush, a Republican.

Republicans leaders are calling for Steele’s head

His excuse is that the quote was taken out of context. Maybe he and Mel Gibson can work on this together.

GENUINE GOVERNMENT POT

When is the government going to get out of our personal lives?

There is a flashback scene in Annie Hall where a seven-year-old describes how his life turned out:  “I  used to be a heroin addict.  Now I’m a methadone addict.

What is less known is that heroin was synthesized by the government to get people off of morphine.

 K2, a synthetic marijuana and the latest drug fad, is another example of government–“Oops.

Reacting to the spread of medical marijuana, the Feds hired a Clemson University chemist, John W. Huffman, to produce a cure for the “evil weed. 

This stuff, currently legal in most places, is what we used to call “polio dope.  A couple of hits and you feel like to have polio.

When are going to learn that the history of government regulation of personal behavior is the history of failure?

TAKE YOUR CHANCES IN CHINA

Xue Feng, an American geologist, was recently sentenced to eight years in a Chinese prison for industrial espionage.  By most accounts he was gathering public information on the Chinese petroleum industry.

Doesn’t sound like much of a crime.  But that’s the risk you take when you want to do business in a dictatorship.

Hopefully our government will do nothing to help him.  In fact the word should go out that if you want to take jobs offshore you are on your own.

American property and due process rights, that we take for granted, are not necessarily available in all those Third World countries where cheap labor and lax environmental laws mean big time profits.

If the shit hits the fan, the job exporters count on the United States Embassy to bail them out.

I have written before and I will write it again, the United States government should prohibit our embassies from helping Americans who are exporting American jobs.

I can’t think of anything quicker to bring back the rag trade to Seventh Avenue than if Ralph Lifshitz (aka Ralph Lauren) wound up in a very unfashionable Chinese prison because he rubbed some member of the Communist party the wrong way.

Closed.