Fields: Gods Need A Sense Of Humor
BY SAM FIELDS
Guest Columnist
The arrest of two Chicago men for plotting to attack the Danish newspaper that published the cartoons goofing on Mohammad brings to mind a serious character flaw in Allah and all the other Gods around the world.
Make that the Universe as well as all alternate Universes.
Collectively they are a most thin-skinned, insecure bunch of Creators and Rulers anyone is ever going to see.
I’ve got a message for all you Gods.
With just the flick of a finger you create a universe 15 billion light years across. You invented the laws of physics, billion of galaxies, trillions of solar systems and uncountable planets.
Yet, you get your draws in a bunch when some insignificant life form makes a joke about you?
Hey schmuck! If you did not want cartoons you should not have endowed life forms with a sense of humor.
A Shrink might conclude you have some “Mommy issues. But, with the exception of Jesus, you don’t have Mommies, Daddies or any parents.
How insecure are these Gods?
Consider the Ten Commandments. Right up there near the top of the list is admonition about not using His name when you curse.
This is more important than abolishing slavery or not sexually abusing children. They don’t even make the Top Ten.
Two weeks ago, God got really pissed off–pun intended–at comic actor Larry David for an episode of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Larry was taking a leak and a bit of urine splashed under the eye on a picture of Jesus.
Later, the homeowners go into the bathroom and assume it is a tear. They decide to give up everything to take the “Crying Jesus picture on the road so it can be venerated by the other True Believers.
The Roman Catholic Church—according to them, God’s one and only legal franchise on Earth—labeled David a blasphemer.
It doesn’t stop there.
Orthodox Jews are so nervous they won’t even spell it right. It “G-d, not “God, for the Glatt Kosher crowd. You can’t even say the name “Yahweh.
It turns out that “The love that dare not speak its name is not homosexuality. Its G-d. Oscar Wilde got that wrong.
Throw in Vishnu and a thousand other deities. You have a collection of omnipotent, omnipresent “Prime Movers who also happen to be insecure and so paranoid they come complete with enemies lists. There has not been anything like this since Richard Nixon occupied the White House.
So let me sum up my message about all the Gods: Fuckem if they can’t take a jokewhich reminds me of a story: “Jesus, Allah and Yahweh walk into a bar
November 4th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Fields raises some very interesting questions. He always causes me to think although I often don’t agree with him. Too bad he doesn’t do more thinking before writing. This article is good, however.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Hey Sam – enjoyable piece again (although a bit of extra bitterness in this one), but I have to say, unless the words Scotty Rothstein are in the title of your piece, you aren’t going to get much play this week.
Just continue posting on the other threads if your creative juices are flowing, or write a few of your missives and hold them in reserve until after the furor dies down.
November 5th, 2009 at 4:32 am
I agree that Rothstein has sucked the air out of the Broward Blog universe. Even Mr. Courthouse is distracted from my latest anti-superstition tract.
Trouble is that I see something in the paper and I can’t stop myself.