Latest Trend: Crimes With No Humans Involved
BY SAM FIELDS
When I opened the paper and read that Halliburton was agreeing to plead guilty to destroying evidence from the 2010 Gulf blowout I naturally assumed that they were talking about Erle Halliburton. After all, willfully destroying evidence is something that only a person with a brain, and not a company, can do.
It was a real puzzlement when I learned that Erle was born in 1892 and there were some reports that he died in 1957.
So there was only one conclusion, The Attorney General thinks that a corporate charter committed a crime with N.H.I.—No Humans Involved. The AG is so certain that people had nothing to do with this that he has agreed to end the investigation into looking for anymore bad guys.
But Halliburton is not the only company that commits criminal acts.
Last week, the US Attorney for the Southern District of New York indicted a hedge fund company named SAC Capital Advisors for “insider trading”. Insider trading is when an investor gets business information not available to the general public and uses it to make $$$$.
The fact that no people were charged confirms that this case is also an N.H.I. Humans did not even get involved in denying the charges.
In a statement SAC Capital said: it “has never encouraged, promoted or tolerated insider trading and takes its compliance and management obligations seriously.”
Of course the person we must feel sorry for is Steven A. Cohen who naively lent his initials to this evil company which has gone on to embarrass all the humans with its’ criminal conduct.
So we now know that corporate America does not have bad people…only bad companies.